On Saturday, I felt like shit.

Pardon my French, but there is no other way to put it.

I had my US taxes to finish, files to organize, laundry to do, paperwork to catch up on, and on top of it, I’d only had 4 hours of sleep. I felt like a zombie. And in the back of my mind was the bigger pressure: you have a business to keep building in Europe, you need to continue servicing your US clients, but at what expense?

And it hit me – if I teach Feng Shui as a practice of alignment, why is it still so hard to honor my own energy? The irony wasn’t lost on me: here I was, completely out of alignment with my own energy.

All I wanted to do was sit on the couch and veg out to mindless YouTube videos while strumming (or trying to strum) my ukulele. As much as I wanted to, it was a brutal struggle between my “what I feel like I really want to do” vs the “what I know I really oughta be doing.”

Agonizing.

But I’ve been working on this for the past 6 months, like aggressively. It started with, I can admit it now, taking very uncomfortable (for an ex-New Yorker) pockets of time off. No excuses and no exceptions.

The first one was a joy – woo-hoo! The night before was so exciting!

But then guess what happened the next planned pocket of just ME time?

I got sick. Yup. My body got a whiff of what was going on, and it was like, HELL NO! You’ve lived 50+ years the way you have and it’s FINE. No changes allowed!

It’s been 6 months of these painful, internal conversations with myself. What has emerged is extreme, and I mean radical, self-care. Sticking up for myself and what my body and soul needed, even though my brain was like, no way.

But as I’m writing this, sitting on my couch with my ukulele next to me, YouTube on pause, I think, dang girl. I’m proud of you. You’re feeling hella uncomfortable about being a “slacker,” but okay. Judge yourself and do it anyway. You’ll feel ready to move when you’re ready to move (thanks to my niece Lauren for pointing that out <3).

And I felt ready to share this with you. Because I KNOW I’m not alone. I know it’s important to show my sloppy, ugly, vulnerable side because we all have it.

Step into it, my Feng Shui Loves, because like it or not, it’s our superpower. When you step into your vulnerable side, it allows others to do the same. So if you’re in that in-between – tired, guilty, questioning – maybe this is your reminder.

This is what my Feng Shui really is: not just moving furniture, but moving energy. Sometimes that energy is in your environment, and sometimes it’s inside of you. Trust that when you get what you need, you’ll be ready to move again. There is no rush. Alignment doesn’t come from forcing. It comes from listening.

Okay. Going back to strumming (or trying to) while watching YouTube.

P.S. My first invite-only women’s circle is next Friday in Paris. It’s already full, but October’s circle is opening soon. If you feel called, reply and I’ll share details with you first!

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